It was so hot and we did not know where to go. We talked to a neighbor and he said California is where you need to be. So we got out the GPS and loaded up the RV. California is where we would go. I drove the rig to the truck stop and got our fuel, but getting on the Freeway was a show. With Athena at the wheel, it was my turn to navigate, she said get us on the freeway heading south. That’s easy I said the southbound lanes are on the right, the truck is turning right; so I said follow that truck. She dutifully followed the truck. Just then I looked the left and there was a ramp there headed in a circle. Then, I began to turn purple. We had to turn left to go right! Who Knew! Athena was none too pleased. We were headed to Salt Lake City. I was not too worried, the fuel tank was full, and I was sure the weather was cool. Athena had her heart set on California, we had plans to meet other people. So California it would be, I guided her 20 miles to the north to the first overpass with a road close by leading south. I told her not too feel badly, she was getting extra diving experience in heavy traffic, and it would come in handy later. She had something to say about that, and she could not have put it to me straighter. All I can say is it is a good thing she is a pleasant wonderful, selfless woman. There was something else I forgot, and that surprise was at the California border.
Those that run in and out of California know what I am talking about, but for everyone else’s benefit, the problem is they don’t want outside fruits! The four of us are gleefully headed south relaxing to the soothing hum of 60 MPH when it hits. “Athena, I just remembered something. Did you remember that there are no fruits allowed in California? Remember those border guards? They always say “do you have any fruits or vegetables?” and we give them the standard answer; “Out side of our family, no” and they sometimes smile and wave you on while thinking ” Another one of those Yankee imbeciles!” (Actually they are thinking something else, but this blog is rated G-8 because Athena says I have the humor of an 8-year-old)” Athena, then says yes “I remember those guys, why?” “Well, I see on the GPS the guard post is just a few miles ahead, I was wondering if you tossed out the fruits and vegetables, as I really don’t want to go to jail. They will not let us share a cell, and they will sell the kids in order to fund the border crossing.” I replied She said she just bought $80 worth of this contraband last night. For me, that was sheer terror and I had to think of something quick! I suggested I go into the kitchen chop up all the potatoes, carrots, pineapples, peppers and what not and flush this all down the toilet. She shot that idea down in an instant, as I would not be following the toilet rule, and eating what goes down it first. Shoot, with that idea gone, now what. I had another idea, lets open the back window, and toss the items out one at a time, the feds will never find it I thought. She said our car is tailgating us back there, and besides throwing organic material out the window is, illegal. I was despondent!
We were headed to California with 25 pounds of contraband. Never thought I would be caught smuggling herbs, vegetables, and Fruits. We were in trouble due to being absent-minded. Athena suddenly says “I have an idea, let’s go to the casino” I thought gambling at a time like this, that’s just bad taste. So I said OK let’s do it! We pulled into Whiskey Pete’s and there was ample parking for our 65 foot rig, and I saw they had a prime rib lunch on sale. Now things are looking up! I went and got my wallet, and my hat and came back out to kitchen, and she was standing there chopping vegetables and fruit. “I thought you nixed the toilet idea!” I said. She said “Not entirely, we agreed the toilet idea is just fine, if we eat the fruits and vegetables first.” I said “There is real food like beef and stuff in the casino! If we eat the fruits and vegetables, we will likely reach the guard station with them still in us, and we would be guilty of possession by consumption” She did not buy it and my protest did not fly, we ate 20 pounds of fruits and veggies at one sitting, and she carted the remainder to a nearby trash can. With the problem solved, Athena got us underway and we worked our way into the special lane we needed to be in to get through the border crossing, and when we got to the gate we were smiling because we knew we did the right thing. There was no body there, the aliens had kidnapped all of the border guards. Down to our last few dollars, and had eaten the entire next weeks groceries for lunch, we were feeling just a tad foolish for forgetting about the crossing, then needlessly fixing the problem at a great expense.
Welcome to California where no outside fruits or vegetables are allowed!